17 Mar Healing – the spiral journey!
A few years ago, I hardly knew the difference between heart and mind. Based on my previous experiences,
✨ I had inculcated a belief that my heart leaves me ashtray hence I will trust only my intellectual mind.
✨ I unknowingly caged my true self in walls so high and strong that I wouldn’t dare to crumble them.
✨I became monotonous, well more mechanical, moving from one task to another checking out my list every day.
✨ And then found ways to mask myself, even more, to blend in with what others wanted to see in me.
✨I became robotic, fake, and no less than a people pleaser. All I wanted was to be seen and loved by my well-meaning people.
✨Little did I know that I buried my true self somewhere as I thought no one wanted to see her.
✨So I changed, and I kept adding layers upon me to become a customized product suited to others’ needs, desires, and expectations.
✨I barely had time or awareness to notice how I was killing myself from inside.
✨All I could feel was emptiness, exhaustion, and oblivion ready to engulf me- So I would run away from it and indulge myself in drinking, self-care- mani, pedi, gyms, dancing, parties, and many more to steam out what’s burning me.
✨ I was certainly after the medallions of the best mother, best wife, best daughter, best daughter-in-law, perfectionist and so on to feel rewarded for the slaughter of my true self.
The universe kept providing me with the signs like
✨Feeling flustered all the time
✨ Suicidal instincts
✨Relationship issue and
✨ Health issues
BUT I kept ignoring them conveniently. Somedays, I would wonder,
“If I am doing it all right, why don’t I feel my heart beating, why do I feel I am dead?” I would ponder and then scoff thinking I am too sensitive or an overthinker.
Then I can’t remember exactly how, but there was a time when I resorted back to meditation after a decade and a half. I wanted to find answers and solace. Oh boy! 6 months and more – I would just hear my jumpy mind from one thought to another followed by deep spaciousness. And then one day I heard, “Aren’t you tired yet?” And, “Yes!!” hopped out my mouth.
I mocked at that later on, thinking it was just my mind making it up. Slowly, bit by bit I started receiving blocks of thoughts and I started trusting what would get downloaded. One day I heard, “You need to find yourself back.”
“What? Find who? Was I lost?” Well, certainly I was.
Did I find my way back? Yes, slowly I did.
I was guided to resort to energy healing which then helped me realize how caging of my true self had transformed me into a numb woman with something screaming inside for help. I found that I needed to allow those walls to shatter, I needed to open the gateway to my heart and I needed to stand as naked as a newborn child to work on myself. I had to be bare and raw to heal myself deeply. It was excruciatingly painful to look at those parts I buried long ago BUT all I wanted to do was do that inner work to find solace. And one thing was quite clear, that my older pattern of mistreating myself and shutting myself down didn’t serve me at all. And no matter how hard my ego tried to go back to an older way of living, something stronger held my hand guiding me to put one foot in front of the other.
Gradually, I was flushing out the grime that was offering resistance to a life of the highest potential. Every day, part of my ego would consume me in its mini death with long grief and pain, which was then followed by the freedom and power flowing flawlessly. With every spiral of healing, I was accumulating my fragments splintered to the past experiences, people, past lives, or situations. The more I worked on myself, the more empowered I felt.
From being a victim to my triggers and my wounds to being in power allowing my emotions to surface, loving them as if they are my own children – was the hardest part of it all. But it was all worth it. I now rely on my heart to guide me every next step in my life. And living by my heart opened a whole new dimension for me where I feel safe and free. That doesn’t mean my mind doesn’t come in the way and when it does I allow myself to discern between mind and heart, following my heart after considering the intellectual aspects as well(that comes from my mind).
Now, following my passion to make a difference in others’ lives in a positive way, I would like to share something I learned (and still learning) on this voyage:
✨Be absolutely honest to yourself.
✨Listen to your inner voice and trust it. It changes as you grow- so consider it as your internal navigator guiding you the path but it’s your choice to turn yourself into that direction or not.
✨Become aware of yourself. Observe yourself as a third person watching over you without any criticism or judgments.
✨ Don’t run away from the pain, triggers, or emotions. Know that these triggers are the compass to where our pain lies and trust that it can be healed.
✨Allow yourself to sit with the emotion & ask yourself, “When was the last time I felt this way? Was there any childhood experience that made me feel the same?”
✨Go deeper into those feelings. Talk to your emotions/woundings like you talk to a child. This is part of inner child work.
✨Ask for Divine guidance to provide you with clarity and support so you may release what no longer serves you. Then imagine those emotions as bricks crumbling down around you and moving away from your energetic field.
✨Once you feel the release is happening, ask for the Divine light to enter your body and help you heal and protect you for the next few days.
✨Healing is an ongoing winding process, so be gentle with yourself. One trigger could correspond to multiple child experiences or vice versa. So next time, you get triggered with the same thing- don’t think, “Oh, I already cleared it – why is it back again?” It’s there for a reason -Maybe the lesson was half learned, not mastered enough or could be a rehearsal.
✨And It’s absolutely OK to be NOT OK. Allow your human self to explore the emotions, feel them, let the resistance surface- don’t push it away but just be.
✨Above all, trust the feeling that you are protected, divine, worthy, and deserve to be healed.
I am passionate to help others now in their inner work using different modalities I learned over the past few years.
If any of this resonates with you or you feel drawn to have a chat, please DO NOT hesitate.
Wish you all the love and great things in your life, beautiful souls.
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